On Being Married...

A few months ago I wrote a post titled "On Being Engaged..." that expressed how much I hated being engaged. Well lets just say it got way more attention than I anticipated and I'm sure many people got the absolute wrong idea about me and my relationship with Matt. At the time I wrote it, I was incredibly frustrated with school, depressed from all the snow, and just missing Matt more than is healthy. To be honest, I just really, really wanted to be married, and so I wanted to write a so called "sequel" to my previous post with a more positive outlook called...

 Why Being Married Rocks

I would like to start with a disclaimer - I haven't been married for that long, but in the short time that I have been Mrs. Matt Billings, I would like to think I have a very small taste of what married life is like (without kids - thank heavens!) and so far, it rocks.

1.) No more goodbyes.  The absolute WORST thing about dating is saying goodbye at the end of the night and going your separate ways.  Now don't get me wrong, some nights it was actually a relief that I got to send Prince Charming home because he was driving me absolute bonkers, but majority of the time saying goodbye was the hardest part of the day... er, night.  Whatever. I use to tell people that Matt and I's relationship was defined by "goodbyes", since we had a long distance relationship and to every wonderful "hello" there was a sad and depressing "goodbye" that always managed to make my mascara run. Well after the "I do's", the only "goodbye" I say is when he goes to work, and that's nothing compared to the previous goodbyes.  No more kisses on the doorstep - only kisses goodnight while he's holding me tight in our bed.

2.) I got myself a hott date EVERY weekend.  Matt is HOTT.  Like dang hott. And I'm a very lucky girl in the fact that I get to go on a date with him every weekend.  My dating years seemed to have a pattern of either feast or famine when it came to getting dates - I would have a date every weekend for a few months and then I would have nothing for double the amount of time.  It was frustrating, especially when I went to BYU expecting dates all the time and NEVER got asked out. (that's right folks, I was the girl who went to BYU and never got one date, but that's another story for another post).  It rocks to have a so-called built in date every weekend.  Even if it is just sitting at home having a Harry Potter marathon and baking cookies, it's still wonderful to know you have plans every weekend that are not watching sappy chick flicks with your roommates and then planning your perfect future wedding on Pinterest.

3.) No more thoughts about breaking up.  This one is entirely me...  During the year that Matt and I dated, he thought of breaking things off with me ONCE. That's it, just once. Incredible.  Being the heartless person I can be, I can honestly say that I thought about breaking it up with him many, many times - typically after a fight or I felt like I wasn't getting enough attention.  When I married Matt, I pretty much said, "This is it Shanette.  Either it works or you make it work." No more thoughts about "breaking it off" with Matt.  Some may say this is a con to being married, but in my opinion its a most definite pro.  I know that no matter how bad things may get, both of us are willing to sit down and work it out.  There's no going back on this and there is no end to our relationship.

4.)  Sex.  Ok, don't freak out!  I won't go into explicit detail, but just know that it's good. Really, really good.  There are so many health benefits to having sex - better blood pressure, less stress, better sleep, smaller chance of prostate cancer - and so much more.  It's such a wonderful thing that gets degraded WAY too much and people just need to calm down about it.  I used to think that there was only one kind of sex - that lustful kind, ya know, that kind that you see in all the movies  where people can't keep their hands to themselves because the other is so dang hott (like Matt is).  Well I was wrong.  There's another kind of sex that is more mental than physical and we have it just to feel close to each other. It's wonderful. Like, I just can't put it into words.  Sex is good my friends.

There are so many other things that I could write about but these are the truly wonderful things about being married that I love and I know that you have a life you need to get back to so I'll wrap things up.  I'm so grateful for the opportunity I had to get married at such a young age and I'm so happy that I get to spend the rest of my life with Matt.  Please know that it's not always sunshine and daisies for us though, because we do fight, in fact ALL the time, but we fight for each other even more than we fight with each other and that's what keeps us together. I'm sure that if Matt and I were to make a Pro/Con list for the other, his list would have many more cons than pros.  All in all, I couldn't be happier.  Perhaps all the frustrations I had while being engaged were worth for what I got in the end. I love you Matt.

On Being Engaged...

Well guess who's back in Provo, Utah and hating life once again???  Yep, this girl. And once again, I returned by myself, leaving my fiancee back home in Dallas.  Not going to lie to y'all, saying goodbye after 3 weeks of Christmas break was THE most difficult goodbye I've ever had to say. I don't think I've ever cried that much over a single word in my entire life... Needless to say, it was horrible and very emotionally tolling.

I hate having a long-distance engagement. I honestly don't know how people do it and I have the greatest respect for military wives. This morning I was procrastinating doing my 400 level Virology homework and stumbled across a blog of a Mormon girl who wrote about how crappy her engagement was.  As ironic as this sounds, it was exactly what I needed to read and is what inspired this post.  Disclaimer:  I do not write this to be disrespectful in any way and yes, I do love my fiancee with all my heart.  So buckle up kids for what is probably my most depressing post ever...

Why Being Engaged Sucks

1.)  Long-Distance.  Let's start off with the obvious shall we?  My fiancee and I live in two different states, separated by exactly 1,198.2 miles - roughly 1,200 miles.  This means that we barely get to see each other.  Let's be honest here - engaged couples are those super annoying people that have to be touching constantly and somehow manage to block out the rest of the world when showing Public Displays of Affection (which is ALL the time!).  I'm as guilty as charged, but so far out of my entire engagement, I've had only 4 weeks to do that with Matt. Call me crazy, but sometimes I feel as if I'm not having a real engagement. Who knows, maybe I'm just jealous.  But it sucks being engaged at BYU without your fiancee. I swear, those couples pop out of the snow like daisies... They're everywhere!

2.)  School.  If there is ANYTHING I've learned while getting my Bachelor's degree, it's that I loathe school. More than anything.  The stress of homework, quizzes, midterms and finals just does me in completely and knocks me to the ground every day.  I'm not happy while I'm at school and planning-a-wedding stress on top of school stress, well let's just say some mornings it's a miracle I actually climb out of bed.  Matt and I's entire engagement is unfortunately over a school year and no, it has not been a fun experience. This is my most difficult school year of my undergrad - I just keep telling myself that if I can make it through this, I can make it through anything. 

3.)  A long engagement time.  OK so this one was my fault completely.  Matt and I got engaged at the tail end of September and our wedding is in June.  I'll do the math for you - 8 MONTHS.  Yes my friends, a Mormon engagement that is 8 months long - that's unheard of! But here's my reasoning:  I wanted to date the man I was going to marry for at least a year, and for us, that was June. Also, I was raised on the movie Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and in it there is a scene where the girls are in their underwear and sing the song that says "they say when you marry in June, you're a bride all your life".  Haha, ya, ever since being a little girl, I've always wanted to get married in June because of that movie.  Unfortunately, I did not foresee the engagement being this difficult, at least for me.  I should've married Matt in December - it would have been a million times better.  If you ask me in a year, I'll probably say our engagement was 8 months too long.

4.) Winter.  So I have self-diagnosed myself as being the horrible victim of SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder.  It's also more commonly known as winter depression syndrome.  I have never liked the cold. Ever. And snow is pretty much my worst nightmare (next to organic chemistry). I swear, if there is even one snowflake in heaven, I'm choosing hell because at least I'll be warm.  This winter in Provo has been the coldest yet. There has been more snow than I've ever seen with temperatures in the teens for the last two weeks. It's miserable walking to class - freezing even though you're wearing literally 5 layers, slipping on ice, getting your jeans wet from snow and then having to peel off every layer when you get to class and trying to shove everything under your desk and make it fit. Not fun my friends, but very entertaining to watch someone else struggle with.  These are the deadest, ugliest months of the year and somehow it's making the engagement just drag on.  I'm convinced that if I were to be engaged over the summer, it would have floated by like a dream.

5.) Not living with my fiancee.  I'm just going to put it out there - I'm incredibly jealous of the couples that live together while being engaged. I can only imagine how much happier I would be if I got to go home to Matt every night and be comforted while being in his arms.  It's not fun trying to work around 2 hectic schedules, but that's why this reason leads to...

6.) Sexual tension.  Can you feel it???  'Cause I can!  Us Mormons, being the very "unique" people we are, do not have any sexual relations before getting married.  Regardless of my own personal beliefs in this, I have chosen to stay sexually clean until we are married, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't suck!  This is horrible!  Ya, i'm sorry Mom if you are reading this but it's true.  All I study is biology and sex is a normal human function.  Humans crave it and I'm 100% human.  Don't worry though Mom, if I really wanted to do it then I would have already done it. Only 5 months to go - joy. 

Of all the people I have talked too about being engaged and getting married, about 95% of them have said that the engagement is the worst part.  100% of them said though that it will be unimaginably better once Matt and I are married.  I want you all to know that I do love Matt with all my heart and I cannot wait to marry him.  This is not an easy time in my life and I am genuinely looking forward to the ending of this chapter.  Marriage will be a fun adventure - I just pray I can make it till then.

Even though it took me a very long time to make the decision, I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I have no doubts that marrying Matt Billings is the right thing for me to do. When I think of the future, I feel joy, peace, and overwhelming calmness and assurance.  I am so excited for June 14th, 2013 when I finally get to marry and be sealed to my best friend for all time and eternity.