Mrs. Matthew Billings

I know that many, if not all, of my previous posts have included a certain special someone to me named Matt Billings, but I want to dedicate this post completely to him, as he has quite recently and literally became my world, my reason for living, and my husband.

When Matt and I first started dating, I told him that I wanted a man that wouldn't stand in front of me or behind me but rather a man who would stand right beside me, holding my hand and looking at our future together straight in the eye.  I found that man, or rather, that man found me.  I can't even quantify how much crap I have dished out to him in the last year (and especially the last few months), yet he has been so forgiving and loving and, by some miracle of God, has not left me yet.  I honestly do not deserve this man.


One year ago, I was little Miss Independent - a girl who didn't need a man and could take on the world all by herself.  Today, I can't picture my life without Matt.  I used to roll my eyes at the people who said that they were looking for their "missing piece"... what did that even mean anyway?  I think I may understand just a little bit more of what they meant now. At least to me, it means I finally found that person who makes me want to be better than I am.  I found that person who I unconditionally love more than myself.  I found that person who I have bonded with on such a deep and complex level that no other soul has ever know. Matt has pretty much become the only person I care to talk to or hang out with and it doesn't matter what I call him - best friend, missing piece, better half - they all have the same meaning, which is that he is ALL mine.

No words can express the amount of gratitude I have for Matt and for his willingness to put up with me.  I'm not easy to live with and I am certainly not the most patient of people.  Sometimes I am just in awe of how this relationship (half of the entire time being long-distance) has actually worked out and survived all the storms.  I believe it's because of our bond and the foundation that we have laid together.  There's something there that connects me to him and him to me. There's something that we both feel deep down that confirms that the other is what we have been looking for and I know that I would be an idiot if I gave him up.  All my life I've longed for a man who I could give all my love and devotion to and Matt is that man.  In fact, he returns all the love and devotion I give him ten-fold.  How many men do you know that do that?  He is so good to me and I love the fact that I NEVER have to worry about him cheating on me, or worry about him lying to me, or worry about him drinking, smoking, gambling, or deserting  me.  He is such a good man and I first fell in love with that goodness.

I know that no one can quite understand our relationship like Matt and I do, but I want everyone to know  that the foundation of our relationship is our dedication to each other.  We both agree that we get one chance at marriage and that's it. There is no divorce for us (we don't even say that word in our house). There is no re-marrying for us. We are NOT giving up on each other because we know that there is nothing we can't work through together.  I love this about Matt, more than his green eyes or soft kisses, I love that I have someone that I can depend upon and trust completely with my heart.  He is my better half, the piece that completes me, and my husband. I love him. I need him. I live for him. My life finally has purpose - to love him with everything I've got. I can do that for the rest of my life, no problem.

The song "Next To Me" by Emeli Sande describes the kind of man Matt is perfectly.  I posted some lines below, but encourage you to go listen to the entire song if you haven't heard it already.  If I didn't know any better, I would think she wrote this song because of Matt.

"You won't find him drinking at the table, rolling dice and staying out 'til three

You won't every find him be unfaithful, you will find him, you'll find him next to me.

You won't find him tryna chase the devil, for money, fame, for power, out of greed,

You won't ever find him where the rest go, you will find him, you'll find him next to me. 

When the skies are grey and all the doors are closing, and the rising pressure makes it hard to breathe,

When all I need's a hand to stop the tears from falling, I will find him, I'll find him next to me.

When the end has come and buildings falling down fast, when we've spoilt the land and dried up all the sea,

When everyone has lost their heads around us, you will find him, you'll find him next to me."

I'm proud to call myself Mrs. Matthew Billings. I look forward to our beautiful future ahead of us and all the memories we will create together. I love you Matt with all my heart. Thank you for all you have done for me and blessing my life in every way possible.