Simply Amazing

Amazing : (adj.) causing wonder or astonishment;  inspiring awe or admiration or wonder. 

How amazing do you think it would be if every person was told they were amazing every day?  Think of the huge difference that would make in the world - there would be less eating disorders, less abuse, less harsh words spoken and more love shared.  I'm defiantly not an English major in any way and can hardly even speak the dang language, but I do believe in the power of words and the great, or harmful, effect they can have.

In high school, I was blessed with the opportunity to work with one of the most amazing and influential people I've ever met.  This woman has changed my life and gives me hope in myself and my future.  She has always been there for me - listened to me complain, seen me cry, and has shared countless laughs with me.  This wonderful person is no other than the incredible Mrs. Sonja Bill, and if you are lucky enough to know her, then God has given you one of the best blessings He could offer.

Tonight I was blessed with the opportunity to have a lovely chat with my dear friend Sonja on the phone.  I told her all the stupid things that were clouding my mind, like how school is pushing me to the point of insanity and how stressful relationships can be, and you know what she said?  Instead of telling me to suck it up because I was the one who chose all this and I shouldn't be complaining, she told me that I was amazing.  She told me that I don't give myself enough credit.  She told me that she knows the reasons why Matt fell in love with me. She told me to just take a breath.  She told me that if I would take a step back and look at myself and everything I am doing then I might have a little more confidence in and lenience for myself.

Well dang, that certainly got the waterworks a goin'. (Sonja, you couldn't hear it, but I was crying on the phone haha)

I'm not a smart person and I've had to work really hard on my education because of it.  I beat myself up when I don't get good enough grades. I lose my confidence when a subject challenges me. And right now, I'm not sure if I will even be able to get into PA school, but I do know that there is a friend who thinks I'm amazing.  I needed to hear those words tonight and I need to start saying those words to someone every day.  It's true - "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be?"

I know there are angels on the earth. Sonja is truly one of my dearest friends and I am so grateful for my friendship with her.  I know this post probably embarrassed her but I want the world to get just a small taste of how amazing she is.  Love you Sonja.

A Change of Heart

Now that I've caught my breathe, here's the condensed version of what's happened to Shanette in just the last few weeks:  on September 29, 2012 (the day I turned 21), my boyfriend flew up to Provo, surprised me in my apartment with 2 dozen roses, and then proposed to me - one knee on the ground - with a stunning 1.25 carat diamond ring in the middle of a cornfield at a fall carnival. I still can't believe that I am now engaged to a man who had never even once crossed my mind as a potential husband. Oh the ironies of life... I never believed the people who told me that love would find me when I least expected it and with the least likely person until it actually happened to me. Now I'm living proof of it.

Where he proposed...

Ok, so of course I have mixed feelings about this.  Yes, I love this man more than anything, and yes this is something that I've always dreamed about but never thought possible, and yes I've turned into one of those couples that I hate but you know what?  I'm happy.  Like genuinely happy.  I am so so blessed and God is too good to me - I do not deserve Matt in any way and I know that there are 999 other girls out there that could make him a million times happier than I ever can or ever will, yet he loves me with all his heart and even wants to marry me... I am honestly the luckiest girl in the world. However, I keep wondering if I am really ready for this big step.  Shanette, you will be sealed to ONE man for the rest of eternity............ is this really what you want?

When the engagement became public, many of my friends brought to my attention the vows I had previously made about NEVER getting married. Haha, ya that kinda came back and bit me in the butt.  So to each of you that I have said this to and are reading this post, here is my simple answer: I've had a change of heart.  Pre-Matt, I had no commitment to any man and so I just floated from guy to guy, moving on when I got bored. I was happy being single with no commitments and LOVED the idea of doing whatever I wanted with my life just because I could. I loved not have anything or anyone tying me down.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that Matt is tying me down in any way, but since I started dating him, I've had a complete change in opinion about marriage.  Maybe marriage really isn't that bad of a thing, if you you've found the right guy. I guess I was so anti-marriage because of the countless examples of bad marriages I have seen.  I guess I didn't believe there was such a thing as a happy marriage... until I found Matt. Now I believe that I can have a happy and successful marriage.  Our relationship is in no way perfect and I swear, every night we each tick each other off more than anyone else ever could, but neither one of us has broken it off even though there has been ample opportunities to.  I'm curious as to where this could go.  I'm scared to death and don't think I'll make a great wife but I'm going to give it all I got and pray it's enough to keep him in love with me. 

Having a 1200 mile long-distance relationship is one of the most difficult trials I've ever had, but it's also been the most rewarding gift I've ever been given.  "So it's not going to be easy.  It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you.  I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me...everyday."  I couldn't have said it better myself.  Matthew Billings, I love you. I am so excited to marry you and spend everyday with you. Please be patient with me - this kind of relationship is new to me and I'm sorry I don't handle each situation as best as I could, but I believe our love can create miracles and bring us both more happiness than imaginable. Thank you for being you and please never forget how much this girl - YOUR girl - loves you.  

Forget Not To Be Happy Now

It seems like there is always one day of the year that people dread - birthdays, Valentine's Day, first day wearing a swimsuit after winter... ya, you get the picture.  Well for me, that day is the day I start driving back up to Provo Utah to start another year at BYU.

This Thursday I will start my long and dreadful drive to Utah to start my junior year at BYU.  Thankfully I will be driving up with my best friend Matt Billings, which I very excited about.  Majority of you are thinking right in this exact moment "If you hate BYU so much Shanette why don't you just transfer to a Texas school?"  Yes, I am fully aware that I have this option and trust me, the thought has gone through my mind more times than I can count, but I'm still choosing to attend BYU.  If you don't mind being patient, here's the method to my madness:  BYU is a very unique school with opportunities and classes that no other college can offer me. First reason are the religion classes offered. It is a private religious school and religion classes are a requirement to graduate. Because of this, I have had some of the most amazing religion professors that have changed and influenced my life for the better and I would like nothing else but to continue taking these religion classes, for they truly are wonderful. The second reason is due to my grades from last semester, I was given a half tuition scholarship.  Even though tuition is already a steal, I did work very hard for the scholarship and do not want to waste the money I was blessed with.

Hopefully now I don't sound as crazy as I did before.  But now you might say "OK Shanette, that still doesn't help you in anyway to like BYU anymore. What are you going to do about that?"  Well, one of my most favorite and inspirational speakers, Dieter F. Uchtdorf, gave a talk titled "Forget Me Not" in October 2011. I honestly believe that this talk was written for me because it was and still is completely applicable in my life. In it, he talks about 5 aspects we would be wise never to forget:

Forget Me Not flower

1) Forget not to be patient with yourself
2) Forget not the difference between a good sacrifice
    and a foolish sacrifice
3) Forget not to be happy now
4) Forget not the "Why" of the gospel
5) Forget not that the Lord loves you

I want to focus on his third aspect - Forget not to be happy now.  I don't think it's just me that has this problem of being happy where I am now, but I do think that this is probably my biggest and most tragic character flaw.  I'm always telling myself that once I have my diploma, things will be better and I will be happy.  As that may very well be true, getting my diploma won't solve all my problems.  In fact, once that day comes I'll most likely be thinking "Once I get my perfect dream job, I'll be happy."  Ha, can you see the pattern?  So this year at college my biggest goal is to try to be happy where I am, whether that be in the classroom, testing center, ski-slopes, my bed - wherever!  To help me do this, I'm starting a "Grateful Journal" where everyday I will write down 5 things that happened that day that I was grateful for.  I'm going to try very hard not to put my happiness on hold for a future event.

Dieter Uchtdorf states the "lesson here is that if we spend our days waiting for fabulous roses, we could miss the beauty and wonder of the tiny forget-me-nots that are all around us".  The happiest people I know are "are the ones who, thread by daily thread, weave a tapestry of gratitude and wonder throughout their lives".
So even though I'm not the happiest camper at BYU, I can find happiness each day by looking at the small wonders all around me.  A wise friend once told me that happiness is a choice - not a set time.

I pray we all take a little time to slow down and see the beauty in the small and simple things in life. Please take a minute to listen to this talk - I promise you it will help with whatever is making you unhappy.

http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/article/general-relief-society-meeting/2011/09/forget-me-not?lang=eng&query=forget+me

Why Not Me?

Hey y'all, so it's kinda been awhile since my last post (for anyone who actually takes the time to read these stupid things) but this summer is shaping up to be nothing like what I thought it would be like.  It kinda started off bad because I was applying for jobs but didn't get hired anywhere, which is super frustrating, and teaching private swim lessons part time which only brings in a limited amount of  doe and I'm worried because I do have more college to pay for. I was really bored on the weekends and mostly spent my Friday and Saturday nights at the gym because all my friends here in Allen are either on missions or stayed at college over the summer or have a significant other - so not the coolest way to spend my summer right? Haha, it's crazy to think how just one night can change all of that. 

First Date 

Just a little over a month ago, I was asked to go on a date to the Tim McGraw / Kenny Chesney concert with Matt Billings, a friend from high school who had just gotten off his mission from Brazil the previous fall.  Not going to lie to you - I was dang excited to go to the concert because I mean seriously, Kenny Chesney's voice is like pure seduction to me, but I was a little nervous going with Matt since we really hadn't talked that much within the last 2 1/2 years. But I REALLY wanted to go to that concert, so I put on my sexy cowgirl boots and just went.  Turned out the concert was exactly how I thought it would be, completely amazing, but Matt turned out to be even better than I imaged him to be.  Let's face it - two years of constant service to people you don't even know really changes and improves someone.  I mean, I had hung out with Matt before the mission but being with him 2 1/2 years later and I could really see a HUGE difference in him.  I mean, we had bonded just during the hour drive over to Cowboy's Stadium and then sang almost every song at the top of our lungs during the concert. It was a blast and I really enjoyed talking/being with Matt. I guess he thought so too because just a week later he asked me to be his girlfriend. :) Which I obviously said yes to.



Ok well that was a nice story Shanette, but what exactly do you want you want me to learn from it?  I want you to know this:  college has knocked me down flat on my butt and has had serious effects of how I viewed myself.  I was told that I would have a date every weekend at BYU but did that happen? Hell no it didn't! I use to think there was something wrong with me because no one liked me - I had little to no friends and was getting NO attention whatsoever from the guys which is totally opposite of what I expected.  It took almost a year for me to finally realize that there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with me!!!  I was just letting it get to my head and as sad and embarrassed as I am to say this, I would look at myself in the mirror each morning and ask myself "Why would a guy ever pick you?"  Sad, right?!?  I would literally ask myself "Why would a guy every choose you Shanette when they can have her?" every time I saw those annoying couples I hated so much out on the benches or grass.  I was talking to a dear friend about this shortly after I moved back home for the summer and after I told her that, she just looked at me and said, "Shanette, why NOT you?  You know who you are and where you are going.  If a guy doesn't like or want that, then he doesn't deserve you."  


Well shut me up.  Yes, she was right, why not me?  I LOVE me!  I'm pretty darn awesome and I don't need a man to prove that!  Fortunately though God has a sense of humor and  a plan for me, so when I finally did realize this he sent me the most incredible person I've ever met, who treats me how I deserve to be treated with the utmost respect and makes me feel like the sun rises each day just because I'm alive.  I love this boy so much and am so blessed to have him in my life.  Girls, if you are reading this please tell yourself each day "Why NOT me?" You are a daughter of God - never forget that!  Please don't let your happiness depend on a guy - men just aren't worth it.  I've definitely  kissed my fair share of frogs, but I think I've finally found the prince so please don't give up because I know there is a guy out there who will treat you and love you how you deserve to be.  Learn from my mistake and don't let disappointments mess with your head - you never know what is just around the corner and how amazing your summer could turn out to be.

Special Olympics

As you may have seen from my many Facebook posts, I was blessed enough to be a volunteer this weekend at Special Olympics at UT Arlington .  Four years ago I volunteered for the first time and absolutely fell completely head over heels in love with the program - the athletes, the coaches, the other volunteers... just everything about it.  It is such a wonderful and eye-opening experience seeing so many talented people come together to compete in sports that they have trained months on end for and I was SO excited to be a part of it this year.

Last time I volunteered at Special Olympics, I learned that everyone has some form of a disability.  For the competitors at Special Olympics, their disabilities are physically seen with handicapped bodies.  However for everyone else (esp. me), our disabilities are indistinguishable from the outside.  I could write a big, long list about all the problems I have but that would be a complete waste of your time, so instead I would rather focus on the lesson that I learned this year as a volunteer...

Loretta Claiborne, a former participant of Special Olympics, gave the Opening Ceremonies speech on Friday night.  She gave an incredible account about how Special Olympics was created by Eunice Kennedy Shriver in the 1960's because she was sick and tired of hearing everyone tell these "special" people that they could not compete in sports.  So to prove them all wrong, Shriver organized the first Special Olympics in Chicago, Illinois in 1968 where physically and mentally handicapped people competed in several sporting events.  42 years ago, Loretta Claiborne competed for her first time in Special Olympics despite being told all her life that she could not and that she was not good enough to compete.

I cannot personally imagine nor comprehend how it must feel to have someones, especially someone close to you, tell you that you cannot do something.  In all my life I have never had someone tell me that I could not do something - I was always told and taught that I could do ANYTHING I wanted so long as put my mind to it and worked hard enough for it.  I don't want to brag, but look where I am today - at an amazing college, getting a world class education and about to apply for medical school. I literally have the brightest future anyone could ever ask for and the world at my feet.  Of course it took ALOT of hard work that was not fun at all, but was it worth it? Oh yes, yes it was.

I just want to say that I am SO PROUD of all the amazing athletes I met at Special Olympics this weekend. They are truly the purest and sweetest spirits I have ever met and I need to be more like them.  I know that people, maybe even family members, told these athletes that they couldn't compete because they were not good enough but despite all odds these athletes still chose to compete and you know what? They proved those disbelievers wrong!  I want to encourage everyone who takes the time to read this post to please not listen to your friends, siblings, or maybe even parents who tell you you cannot do something. They are wrong! And most importantly, stop telling yourself that you cannot do something.  You can be your own worst enemy at times, but I KNOW that you can do anything you want so long as you get down on your knees, ask Heavenly Father for help, and put in the effort that is required. Please don't give up and please do not listen to your criticizers.  You can do it - go for the gold and prove to the world that you can.  I'll see ya at the finish line. :)

Good Girl

Hey, good girl 

With your head in the clouds 

I bet you I can tell you 

What you're thinkin' about 

You'll see a good boy 

Gonna give you the world 

But he's gonna leave you cryin' 

With your heart in the dirt 

His lips are dripping honey 

But he'll sting you like a bee 

So lock up all your love and 

Go and throw away the key 

Hey good girl 

Get out while you can 

I know you think you got a good man 

One of my favorite country artists, Carrie Underwood, just came out with a new song called "Good Girl". In the song, Carrie sings to a girl who is dating a boy she thinks the world of, however when Carrie looks at the boy, she sees someone completely different that she predicts will just end up hurting the girl. How many times do we see this and hear about this in real life? I mean, not only is this the plot to majority of movies and books, but just go to the gym or the store and I guarantee you'll find a girl complaining to her best friend about a "good" boy that broke her heart. Girls - if it seems too good to be true, then it probably is.

Why, why you gotta be so blind? 

Won’t you open up your eyes? 

It’s just a matter of time 'til you find 

He’s no good, girl 

No good for you 

You better get to getting on your goodbye shoes and go, go, go... 

Better listen to me 

He’s low, low, low... 

I'm not calling every guy on the planet a jerk but majority of the guys that I have dated have hurt me on some level. And I know that I am not totally faultless at every failed relationship I've had but I do wish that I would have had the maturity to look the situation from an outside view instead of being blinded by how handsome he was or what an amazing kisser he was and seen his true colors. Carrie is just looking out for her fellow girls - can you blame her? As tough as I make myself look on the outside, I am a helpless romantic on the inside. One of the blessings that was given to me was unconditional love, meaning no matter how badly someone has hurt me, I will always love them whether it be friendship or romantic love. On the other side though, one of my tragic flaws is that I fall in love too easily... and always with the wrong boy. All my life I've been trying to write the perfect love story but each time I was trying to force a happy ending on a story that it didn’t belong on. This is really personal and not a lot of people know about this but I was falling in love with a boy I've known for years this past year at college. No he doesn't go to BYU but he's been the one constant in my life that I knew I could always talk to and confide in. He's been such an amazing friend (even sending me birthday cards each year) but I had to go and mess it up being the complete idiot I am. Long story short, I tried pushing things too far too quickly and now our friendship (or what's left of it) is hanging by a thread and my heart is broken in the dirt.

Oh, He’s no good, girl

Why can’t you see?

He’ll take your heart and break it

Listen to me, yeah

Just like my parents and friends told me, this boy was not good for me. He was a perfect friend, but nothing more and I never should have tried to make it more. The only thing I regret is not telling him I was falling in love with him and just how much he meant to me. So what exactly have I learned from this experience?  I'm a good girl that deserves a good boy that will treat me right, linger on my every word, and love me unconditionally for just being me.  Heed the words of your parents and friends- they offer a completely unbiased third party opinion that is usually correct. I wish I coudld've had Carrie here to help me out this last time, but that's what life is about - making mistakes, falling in love, learning lessons and becoming a stronger person.

Right now, if I could just have one wish, it would be to rid myself of all emotion and replace my heart with one of stone. I'm tired of falling for the jerk and getting hurt. Where are all the prince charmings?!? I still believe in love, but just very frustrated with how all of my relationships turn out. Maybe someday a cowboy will sweep me off my feet, but until then I agree with Elizabeth Bennett from Pride and Prejudice when she says "I am determined that nothing but the deepest of love could ever induce me into matrimony." Girls- if you are dating a guy, please take a minute to evaluate the situation. If you don't see it going in a good direction, then get out now! It's better to just be friends then lose him completely.

Adopt-A-Grandparent

Today is my LAST day of classes... 5 finals and I'm done with sophomore year... 2 years and I'll have my Microbiology Bachelor's degree. Dang, time really does fly by, huh? This semester has been the best yet - I've become good friends with some truly amazing girls and have learned so much about me, about life, and about my Savior. I'm SO blessed to go to BYU - yes I don't absolutely love it and I still have a heard time fitting in, but this semester I decided to try something different and spend my extra time volunteering at the nursing home here in Provo instead of wallowing in self pity in the corner. (I promise I don't actually do that!)
Like I've said in previous posts, never in my life have I felt as lonely as I have here at college. I still can't pinpoint the reason why but it's a thorn in my side that causes a constant dull pain. I thought about how pathetic this is - I'm a beautiful, smart twenty year old girl, why on earth am I lonely?!? And then the image was put in my head of all the abandoned grandparents at the nursing home that feel the exact same way as I do. I knew in that moment that I needed to go volunteer at a nursing home, so I joined the Adopt-A-Grandparent program at BYU and a week later I started to volunteer at Provo Rehab and Nursing center. I was put in charge of the Wednesday Movie Night that they had each week and I would go to each patient in their rooms, offer them a bag of popcorn and invite them to watch the movie with us in the Dining Hall. Truthfully, I liked it a lot better than just having one grandparent to visit because I made friend with EVERYONE and I loved seeing everyone's progress throughout the semester. Wednesday night quickly became my favorite night of the week, hands down!
Last week, Dallas was hit with some terrible tornadoes that caused horrible damage and hurt many people. When I went to the nursing home, numerous patients asked me if my family was o.k. because they had seen the tornadoes on the news. I can't even tell you how much that meant to me, that these sweet people had remembered that I was from Dallas and was actually concerned about my family. As college kids, we are tightly wrapped up in our academic lives, but when my dear elderly friends showed their selflessness and concern for my family, it touched the deepest part of my heart and brought tears to my eyes.

This is my last week going to the nursing home before I go back to Dallas for the summer. I am SO SAD to go and not see these wonderful people each week. I've promised a few of them that I would write to them over the summer and hopefully see them again in the fall when I return for my junior year. I'm so grateful for the opportunity I had to serve these wonderful people this semester. I want to be like these people - kind, warm, selfless and eager to show my love to others. Some of the patients were only there for rehab and will be gone when I come back, but the mark they have left on my heart will never fade away. When you serve others, your problems become so small and stupid. Honestly, when you focus on other people, you forget about yourself and there is where you will find your true self. I encourage everyone to find some small way to serve someone else each day, even if it's just a smile or a hug. You never know who's heart you will touch.