Special Olympics

As you may have seen from my many Facebook posts, I was blessed enough to be a volunteer this weekend at Special Olympics at UT Arlington .  Four years ago I volunteered for the first time and absolutely fell completely head over heels in love with the program - the athletes, the coaches, the other volunteers... just everything about it.  It is such a wonderful and eye-opening experience seeing so many talented people come together to compete in sports that they have trained months on end for and I was SO excited to be a part of it this year.

Last time I volunteered at Special Olympics, I learned that everyone has some form of a disability.  For the competitors at Special Olympics, their disabilities are physically seen with handicapped bodies.  However for everyone else (esp. me), our disabilities are indistinguishable from the outside.  I could write a big, long list about all the problems I have but that would be a complete waste of your time, so instead I would rather focus on the lesson that I learned this year as a volunteer...

Loretta Claiborne, a former participant of Special Olympics, gave the Opening Ceremonies speech on Friday night.  She gave an incredible account about how Special Olympics was created by Eunice Kennedy Shriver in the 1960's because she was sick and tired of hearing everyone tell these "special" people that they could not compete in sports.  So to prove them all wrong, Shriver organized the first Special Olympics in Chicago, Illinois in 1968 where physically and mentally handicapped people competed in several sporting events.  42 years ago, Loretta Claiborne competed for her first time in Special Olympics despite being told all her life that she could not and that she was not good enough to compete.

I cannot personally imagine nor comprehend how it must feel to have someones, especially someone close to you, tell you that you cannot do something.  In all my life I have never had someone tell me that I could not do something - I was always told and taught that I could do ANYTHING I wanted so long as put my mind to it and worked hard enough for it.  I don't want to brag, but look where I am today - at an amazing college, getting a world class education and about to apply for medical school. I literally have the brightest future anyone could ever ask for and the world at my feet.  Of course it took ALOT of hard work that was not fun at all, but was it worth it? Oh yes, yes it was.

I just want to say that I am SO PROUD of all the amazing athletes I met at Special Olympics this weekend. They are truly the purest and sweetest spirits I have ever met and I need to be more like them.  I know that people, maybe even family members, told these athletes that they couldn't compete because they were not good enough but despite all odds these athletes still chose to compete and you know what? They proved those disbelievers wrong!  I want to encourage everyone who takes the time to read this post to please not listen to your friends, siblings, or maybe even parents who tell you you cannot do something. They are wrong! And most importantly, stop telling yourself that you cannot do something.  You can be your own worst enemy at times, but I KNOW that you can do anything you want so long as you get down on your knees, ask Heavenly Father for help, and put in the effort that is required. Please don't give up and please do not listen to your criticizers.  You can do it - go for the gold and prove to the world that you can.  I'll see ya at the finish line. :)

Good Girl

Hey, good girl 

With your head in the clouds 

I bet you I can tell you 

What you're thinkin' about 

You'll see a good boy 

Gonna give you the world 

But he's gonna leave you cryin' 

With your heart in the dirt 

His lips are dripping honey 

But he'll sting you like a bee 

So lock up all your love and 

Go and throw away the key 

Hey good girl 

Get out while you can 

I know you think you got a good man 

One of my favorite country artists, Carrie Underwood, just came out with a new song called "Good Girl". In the song, Carrie sings to a girl who is dating a boy she thinks the world of, however when Carrie looks at the boy, she sees someone completely different that she predicts will just end up hurting the girl. How many times do we see this and hear about this in real life? I mean, not only is this the plot to majority of movies and books, but just go to the gym or the store and I guarantee you'll find a girl complaining to her best friend about a "good" boy that broke her heart. Girls - if it seems too good to be true, then it probably is.

Why, why you gotta be so blind? 

Won’t you open up your eyes? 

It’s just a matter of time 'til you find 

He’s no good, girl 

No good for you 

You better get to getting on your goodbye shoes and go, go, go... 

Better listen to me 

He’s low, low, low... 

I'm not calling every guy on the planet a jerk but majority of the guys that I have dated have hurt me on some level. And I know that I am not totally faultless at every failed relationship I've had but I do wish that I would have had the maturity to look the situation from an outside view instead of being blinded by how handsome he was or what an amazing kisser he was and seen his true colors. Carrie is just looking out for her fellow girls - can you blame her? As tough as I make myself look on the outside, I am a helpless romantic on the inside. One of the blessings that was given to me was unconditional love, meaning no matter how badly someone has hurt me, I will always love them whether it be friendship or romantic love. On the other side though, one of my tragic flaws is that I fall in love too easily... and always with the wrong boy. All my life I've been trying to write the perfect love story but each time I was trying to force a happy ending on a story that it didn’t belong on. This is really personal and not a lot of people know about this but I was falling in love with a boy I've known for years this past year at college. No he doesn't go to BYU but he's been the one constant in my life that I knew I could always talk to and confide in. He's been such an amazing friend (even sending me birthday cards each year) but I had to go and mess it up being the complete idiot I am. Long story short, I tried pushing things too far too quickly and now our friendship (or what's left of it) is hanging by a thread and my heart is broken in the dirt.

Oh, He’s no good, girl

Why can’t you see?

He’ll take your heart and break it

Listen to me, yeah

Just like my parents and friends told me, this boy was not good for me. He was a perfect friend, but nothing more and I never should have tried to make it more. The only thing I regret is not telling him I was falling in love with him and just how much he meant to me. So what exactly have I learned from this experience?  I'm a good girl that deserves a good boy that will treat me right, linger on my every word, and love me unconditionally for just being me.  Heed the words of your parents and friends- they offer a completely unbiased third party opinion that is usually correct. I wish I coudld've had Carrie here to help me out this last time, but that's what life is about - making mistakes, falling in love, learning lessons and becoming a stronger person.

Right now, if I could just have one wish, it would be to rid myself of all emotion and replace my heart with one of stone. I'm tired of falling for the jerk and getting hurt. Where are all the prince charmings?!? I still believe in love, but just very frustrated with how all of my relationships turn out. Maybe someday a cowboy will sweep me off my feet, but until then I agree with Elizabeth Bennett from Pride and Prejudice when she says "I am determined that nothing but the deepest of love could ever induce me into matrimony." Girls- if you are dating a guy, please take a minute to evaluate the situation. If you don't see it going in a good direction, then get out now! It's better to just be friends then lose him completely.

Adopt-A-Grandparent

Today is my LAST day of classes... 5 finals and I'm done with sophomore year... 2 years and I'll have my Microbiology Bachelor's degree. Dang, time really does fly by, huh? This semester has been the best yet - I've become good friends with some truly amazing girls and have learned so much about me, about life, and about my Savior. I'm SO blessed to go to BYU - yes I don't absolutely love it and I still have a heard time fitting in, but this semester I decided to try something different and spend my extra time volunteering at the nursing home here in Provo instead of wallowing in self pity in the corner. (I promise I don't actually do that!)
Like I've said in previous posts, never in my life have I felt as lonely as I have here at college. I still can't pinpoint the reason why but it's a thorn in my side that causes a constant dull pain. I thought about how pathetic this is - I'm a beautiful, smart twenty year old girl, why on earth am I lonely?!? And then the image was put in my head of all the abandoned grandparents at the nursing home that feel the exact same way as I do. I knew in that moment that I needed to go volunteer at a nursing home, so I joined the Adopt-A-Grandparent program at BYU and a week later I started to volunteer at Provo Rehab and Nursing center. I was put in charge of the Wednesday Movie Night that they had each week and I would go to each patient in their rooms, offer them a bag of popcorn and invite them to watch the movie with us in the Dining Hall. Truthfully, I liked it a lot better than just having one grandparent to visit because I made friend with EVERYONE and I loved seeing everyone's progress throughout the semester. Wednesday night quickly became my favorite night of the week, hands down!
Last week, Dallas was hit with some terrible tornadoes that caused horrible damage and hurt many people. When I went to the nursing home, numerous patients asked me if my family was o.k. because they had seen the tornadoes on the news. I can't even tell you how much that meant to me, that these sweet people had remembered that I was from Dallas and was actually concerned about my family. As college kids, we are tightly wrapped up in our academic lives, but when my dear elderly friends showed their selflessness and concern for my family, it touched the deepest part of my heart and brought tears to my eyes.

This is my last week going to the nursing home before I go back to Dallas for the summer. I am SO SAD to go and not see these wonderful people each week. I've promised a few of them that I would write to them over the summer and hopefully see them again in the fall when I return for my junior year. I'm so grateful for the opportunity I had to serve these wonderful people this semester. I want to be like these people - kind, warm, selfless and eager to show my love to others. Some of the patients were only there for rehab and will be gone when I come back, but the mark they have left on my heart will never fade away. When you serve others, your problems become so small and stupid. Honestly, when you focus on other people, you forget about yourself and there is where you will find your true self. I encourage everyone to find some small way to serve someone else each day, even if it's just a smile or a hug. You never know who's heart you will touch.

"She's Like Texas"

On the last night of my winter break in Dallas, I was driving down beautiful country roads with my wonderful friend Ben when this song came on. It was love at first hearing.

It's no surprise at all that this girl absolutely LOVES her home state of Texas, so it's kinda a shocker that I've never heard the song "She's Like Texas" by the Josh Abbott Band. I hope that if you were to hear this song, you would automatically think of me:

"She's as free as the Blue Bonnets in the summer
She's as hot as the Padre Island sun
Most of the times she's as warm and friendly
Like the hills that surround Austin

She's as bright as the Dallas sky
She always holds her head up high
She loves the company of her family
She has faith in God's greater plan
She trusts that I'm a good man
And that why I'll always believe
She's like Texas and she likes me

Her eyes are green like the trees in Nacogdoches
Her teeth are white as the cotton in the fall
And when she laughs you'll always take notice
'Cause her heart's charm will shine right through it all

Shes as bright as the Dallas Sky
She always holds head high
She love the company of her family
She has faith in God's greater plan
She trusts that I'm a good man
And that why I'll always believe
She's like Texas and she likes me

Her moods can change like the weather out in Lubbock
But if you show her love, man, she'll return it.

She's as bright as the Dallas Sky
She always holds her head up high
She loves the company of her family
She has faith in God's greater plan
She trusts that I'm a good man
And that why I'll always believe
She's like Texas and she likes me."

Sometimes being away from the thing you love only makes you love it more. I cannot wait till I get to stay permanently in my Texas - maybe then I will finally find my own cowboy! Haha, God Bless Texas!

Happy New Year 2012!

Finally, it's a new year! 2011 was not an easy year by any means and I'm sure I'm not the only person that thinks that, but here's to a much better year filled with smiles and good memories!
People can be so funny - we put off resolutions until the new year and stick to them for maybe a few months but eventually fall back into old habits. I'm as guilty as charged, except this year I'm going to try a different approach that will hopefully help me to keep my resolutions. What if instead of looking at an entire year as trying to swallow an elephant whole, we rather try to eat the elephant bite by bite and look at things day by day. For example, one of my goals this year is to make new friends. I don't want to look back on December 31st 2012 and either mark it as "accomplished" or "failed" but rather reflect at the end of each day during the year 2012 and ask myself "Have I done everything I could to accomplish my goal today?" and if I haven't, what can I do to improve it for the next day.
During the last few weeks I've been on break from school, I've talked to many people about their college experiences. Surprisingly, almost everyone has said the same thing: they were lonely. You don't even know how much of a relief this was to me! Everyday I'm surrounded by thousands of students and yet somehow I feel like the only person on campus. There are over 7 billion people in this world and I cannot for the life of me find a best friend... someone to share my life with. Truthfully, I have a better chance of finding Waldo than a boyfriend.
As embarrassed and ashamed as I am to admit it, I am so lonely. Sometimes it extends into feeling sad, depressed and hopeless but everytime I start to feel that I get down on my knees and talk to a friend that I've never seen but I know exists: God. I talk to him like he's sitting two feet away from me and I get reassured everytime to that I'm never alone no matter how sad I feel.
I found a poem that really puts things into perspective. It's called "In His Steps" by Leona B. Gates.

"The road is rough," I said.
"Dear Lord, there are stones that hurt me so."
And He said, "Dear child, I understand,
I walked it long ago."

"But there is a cool green path," I said
"Let me walk there for a time."
"No child," he gently answered me,
"The green road does not climb."

"My burden," I said, "is far too great.
How can I bear it so?"
"My child," said He, "I remember its weight,
I carried my cross, you know."

"But," I said, "I wish there were friends with me
Who would make my way their own."
"Ah, yes," He said, "Gethsemane
Was hard to face alone."

And so I climbed the stony path,
Content at last to know
That where my Master had not gone,
I would not need to go.

And strangely then I found new friends,
The burden grew less sore,
As I remembered long ago,
That He had walked that way before.

Since high school graduation, I've lost almost all of my friends for some reason or another. But I know that no matter how lonely I get, I always have a Heavenly friend who cares, loves and listens to everything I have to say. This is just a phase and will soon pass, but I challenge those who are reading this to reach out and be a friend. You never know how you might touch a person's life, or even save it.

Jake

"A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?" - Marley and Me

I've never actually seen this movie, due to the fact that if I were ever to watch it I would be depressed for a year, but this quote is undoubtedly and undeniably true. My best friend is a big, golden lab named Jake. I love this dog more than life itself and miss him even more than my family each time I leave home. He means the absolute world to me and if he were human, I would marry him in a heartbeat. :)

I can remember the first time I met Jake like it was yesterday, clear as crystal. My former dog, Autumn, had died while I was in Utah for summer vacation and my mother, being just as distraught as I over the death of a member of our family, promised me that I could get another dog. A week later, I went to the rodeo with my friend for her birthday and my parents went to look at the last dog of a litter from an ex-NFL player living in Dallas. I remember my mom telling me before I went to the rodeo that that they might or might not get the puppy and to accept their decision either way. Four eternal hours longer, I finally came home. I opened my front door and was immediately disappointed, for the house looked no different than when I left and I assumed the didn't get the puppy. I walked into the kitchen with tears starting to form in my eyes only to find my mom sitting in a chair at the table with the cutest little golden puppy tail and paws sticking out under her chair. The tears of sadness that filled my eyes soon turned to tears of happiness as I sank to my knees and greeted for the first time my love of life. Since then, my life has never been the same.

Every time I walk through the front door, I am greeted by a gentle-giant's vigorously wagging tail and slobbery pink tongue. No matter how horrible and bad my day has been, I know I have a boy at home who unconditionally loves me and NEVER fails to cheer me up. He doesn't see me how the world sees me... he sees me as the most beautiful, extraordinary, kind, and loving girl imaginable. He loves me no matter what. He will be there for me no matter what. And he will always be my best friend, no matter what. He's so much more than just a dog - he's the greatest friend anyone could ever dream of having and every day I thank God for him.

So last night when I got into town for Thanksgiving break and I walked through my front door, I was overwhelmed with joy and started sobbing with happiness as I greeted my dog Jake. I love him with all my heart, might, mind, and strength and miss him so much when I'm at college. For all you dog lovers out there, you know how I feel and I am so grateful that you care enough for an animal to give it a home and not just an address. Not many people make me feel extraordinary, but there is one boy, with four legs and a tail, that hits the nail on the head every time. Give him your heart and he'll give you his.

There's Something About Black Leather Boots...

Halloween is my absolute favorite holiday, not for the gruesome horror movies or tons of chocolate that add pounds instantly to my thighs, but rather for idea of being whoever you want to be for one night of the year. For me, that’s Batgirl. She’s amazing, kicking evil villain butt left and right while wearing sexy black leather high heel boots. While in costume she’s smoothe, sexy, confident and holds her head high, knowing who is she and what her role is. But how does she feel during the day? Perhaps she’s just an average receptionist? Or maybe even a stay-at-home mom? I wonder if she ever feels invisible when she’s not wearing those black leather boots. I don’t know about you or Batgirl, but that’s exactly how I feel.

These last few months had been a slow dimming of the spark that once consumed my countenance. I feel as though the flame that once burned bright within me has slowly been growing smaller each day until finally someone just gently exhaled by me and the flame was diminished completely. I’ve gone numb – completely invisible to the world. Back in high school I had a reputation. People knew who I was, knew my values, what I believed and respected me. You could even say I was popular, even though I was very different than the stereotypical “popular” crowd. People wanted to be me, wanted my life, wanted my friends and wanted my reputation. They thought my life was perfect, and I understand why they thought that but it wasn’t. And now, if any of those people that thought that in high school are reading this, know that my life is not perfect, but rather quite lame at the moment. I spend every weekend studying at the library, I have not gone on a single date while going to BYU, and I haven’t attended a legit college party once this year. What happened to that girl I used to be? That girl who LOVED life, spent every weekend with her best friends and was full of fire, passion, and hope. It’s as if Batgirl buried her black leather boots in her closet and became passive over the fact that evil villains were taking control of the city. Well that stops tonight – ironically the night that is supposed to represent the Dead has sparked life within me. As soon as I zipped up my Batgirl costume and slid on my knee-high sexy black leather boots, I took a good look in the mirror and realized that this costume represents the girl I am. Smoothe, sexy, smart, confident, single and fabulous. I love Halloween – it’s unfrozen my cold body and resurrected me from my slumber of lameness. No more hiding from the world – it’s time the cat, or rather the bat, came out of the bag and I want everyone to know my name, my face, and who I am. There's just something about those black leather boots...