I hate having a long-distance engagement. I honestly don't know how people do it and I have the greatest respect for military wives. This morning I was procrastinating doing my 400 level Virology homework and stumbled across a blog of a Mormon girl who wrote about how crappy her engagement was. As ironic as this sounds, it was exactly what I needed to read and is what inspired this post. Disclaimer: I do not write this to be disrespectful in any way and yes, I do love my fiancee with all my heart. So buckle up kids for what is probably my most depressing post ever...
Why Being Engaged Sucks
1.) Long-Distance. Let's start off with the obvious shall we? My fiancee and I live in two different states, separated by exactly 1,198.2 miles - roughly 1,200 miles. This means that we barely get to see each other. Let's be honest here - engaged couples are those super annoying people that have to be touching constantly and somehow manage to block out the rest of the world when showing Public Displays of Affection (which is ALL the time!). I'm as guilty as charged, but so far out of my entire engagement, I've had only 4 weeks to do that with Matt. Call me crazy, but sometimes I feel as if I'm not having a real engagement. Who knows, maybe I'm just jealous. But it sucks being engaged at BYU without your fiancee. I swear, those couples pop out of the snow like daisies... They're everywhere!
2.) School. If there is ANYTHING I've learned while getting my Bachelor's degree, it's that I loathe school. More than anything. The stress of homework, quizzes, midterms and finals just does me in completely and knocks me to the ground every day. I'm not happy while I'm at school and planning-a-wedding stress on top of school stress, well let's just say some mornings it's a miracle I actually climb out of bed. Matt and I's entire engagement is unfortunately over a school year and no, it has not been a fun experience. This is my most difficult school year of my undergrad - I just keep telling myself that if I can make it through this, I can make it through anything.
3.) A long engagement time. OK so this one was my fault completely. Matt and I got engaged at the tail end of September and our wedding is in June. I'll do the math for you - 8 MONTHS. Yes my friends, a Mormon engagement that is 8 months long - that's unheard of! But here's my reasoning: I wanted to date the man I was going to marry for at least a year, and for us, that was June. Also, I was raised on the movie Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and in it there is a scene where the girls are in their underwear and sing the song that says "they say when you marry in June, you're a bride all your life". Haha, ya, ever since being a little girl, I've always wanted to get married in June because of that movie. Unfortunately, I did not foresee the engagement being this difficult, at least for me. I should've married Matt in December - it would have been a million times better. If you ask me in a year, I'll probably say our engagement was 8 months too long.
4.) Winter. So I have self-diagnosed myself as being the horrible victim of SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder. It's also more commonly known as winter depression syndrome. I have never liked the cold. Ever. And snow is pretty much my worst nightmare (next to organic chemistry). I swear, if there is even one snowflake in heaven, I'm choosing hell because at least I'll be warm. This winter in Provo has been the coldest yet. There has been more snow than I've ever seen with temperatures in the teens for the last two weeks. It's miserable walking to class - freezing even though you're wearing literally 5 layers, slipping on ice, getting your jeans wet from snow and then having to peel off every layer when you get to class and trying to shove everything under your desk and make it fit. Not fun my friends, but very entertaining to watch someone else struggle with. These are the deadest, ugliest months of the year and somehow it's making the engagement just drag on. I'm convinced that if I were to be engaged over the summer, it would have floated by like a dream.
5.) Not living with my fiancee. I'm just going to put it out there - I'm incredibly jealous of the couples that live together while being engaged. I can only imagine how much happier I would be if I got to go home to Matt every night and be comforted while being in his arms. It's not fun trying to work around 2 hectic schedules, but that's why this reason leads to...
6.) Sexual tension. Can you feel it??? 'Cause I can! Us Mormons, being the very "unique" people we are, do not have any sexual relations before getting married. Regardless of my own personal beliefs in this, I have chosen to stay sexually clean until we are married, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't suck! This is horrible! Ya, i'm sorry Mom if you are reading this but it's true. All I study is biology and sex is a normal human function. Humans crave it and I'm 100% human. Don't worry though Mom, if I really wanted to do it then I would have already done it. Only 5 months to go - joy.
Of all the people I have talked too about being engaged and getting married, about 95% of them have said that the engagement is the worst part. 100% of them said though that it will be unimaginably better once Matt and I are married. I want you all to know that I do love Matt with all my heart and I cannot wait to marry him. This is not an easy time in my life and I am genuinely looking forward to the ending of this chapter. Marriage will be a fun adventure - I just pray I can make it till then.
Even though it took me a very long time to make the decision, I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I have no doubts that marrying Matt Billings is the right thing for me to do. When I think of the future, I feel joy, peace, and overwhelming calmness and assurance. I am so excited for June 14th, 2013 when I finally get to marry and be sealed to my best friend for all time and eternity.
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